The Rules In Our Heads
Rules pop quiz question number 1: You are driving down Gallatin, from Yoga Space, and you come to 42nd Ave, where it dead ends. You wish to turn LEFT. Which part of Gallatin do you turn from? Left, right, or center?
The correct answer is you move to the LEFT on a one-way street to make a left turn. Gallatin is a one-way street.
Follow [this link] to see a brief graphic depiction of this.
Rules pop quiz question number 2: How many of you actually do it that way?
Chances are you do not. I say this because for the past 12 years, as I walk home from Yoga Space, I have observed almost on a daily basis the majority of the people turning left from the RIGHT side of the street. Even the police do it. And that’s how you do it on a two-way street, not on a one-way street. It’s an easy mistake to make.
And finally, Rules pop quiz question number 3: Does it really matter?
The answer is, on Gallatin Street, probably not. But it brings up an important observation about our driving manners, something which often causes us to become angry. We have our own set of driving rules that we keep in our heads, some of them actual traffic rules like moving left on a one-way street to turn left, but many of them our own: how far away from the car in front of us do we follow, when, and under what circumstances do we let someone cut in front of us, when do we punish and when do we show benevolence. How much above the speed limit is it okay to drive. Five mph? Ten? For us these rules make perfect sense.
And when someone breaks these rules–rules that only we know about–we become angry. We expect everyone to drive their cars according to our rules. Why is that person I’m stuck behind only going 25 mph? Everyone knows that when the speed limit sign says 25, you go 30!
Guess what? It’s not just driving when we do that. It’s with everything. We create rules in our head, rules that we live by, and then get upset when other people don’t follow them.
Just knowing that can help us ease our stress, because these incidents really do cause us stress. They don’t have to though. I read the other day someone saying to a driver that was yelling and screaming at the person in the car in front of him, who waited until the light changed from red back to green before putting his left turn signal on, “Why get so irate when just a little anger can get the job done?”
That has stuck in my head, and I always remember it now when I am driving. Someone pushes my button. I yell. I move on. It’s all over. Years ago I would yell, scream, beep my horn, give a rude gesture, and then replay those few seconds over and over in my head for the rest of the day. Yoga has helped me…most of the time!
Which brings up another thing. Did you ever notice how forgiving you are of people breaking your rules when you have a passenger in your car? You don’t want any of your friends to know how much of a jerk you act like when you are by yourself! Right?!
Finally, here is some information about stress that maybe you don’t know. When the fight or flight reaction takes place, we bring to the surface two emotions that will help us if it is a life or death situation for which the stress reaction was really designed for. If you are running for your life, (think: gazelle running from lion,) the emotion of fear is going to make you run faster. And if you are unable to run, and you need to fight, the emotion of anger is going to help you fight harder.
So those two emotions, fear and anger, are always close to us when we are under stress. That’s why we bark at our spouses and friends sometimes. That’s why we feel fearful and overwhelmed when we are approaching a deadline.
What is the solution then? What is going to help you keep your stress under control, and your emotions in check? You are just going to have to find out for yourself. What works for me may not work for you. And vice versa. The first part of the solution is knowing what is happening, and why it is happening. I’ve just told you that part. Now it’s up to you.
I would like hearing how you successfully handle stressful situations. If you would like to share it, please leave a comment in this blog. Or, if you prefer to keep it private, you can send it to me in an email. I promise not to post it.